Controlling the Few Factors You Can in This Conversation
Among the many obstacles you will face in your upcoming divorce is the
moment you have to utter the words to your children. Depending on their
ages, children are familiar with this concept, as they have plenty of
friends at school with divorced parents. They know it isn’t an ideal
situation but also that families still make it work. They just think it
won’t happen to their family until it does. Sometimes, this results
in a fit of anger and confusion, sometimes in no reaction at all. In either
case, it will be difficult.
There are factors you cannot control: your children’s reaction is
chief among them. You can, however control the environment of the discussion
and control your level of preparedness. Below are a few tips that may
help you take charge of your delivery and be ready for what happens next.
Gather the entire family in one room, if possible: Delivering the news of your divorce to all of your children at once is
desirable. This presents that the family is still in this together, no
matter what happens next. You do, however, know your children better than
anyone else, and if you are worried that one child’s reaction will
negatively affect another’s, it may be more viable to tell that
In your delivery, use the pronoun “we”: Even if the decision to divorce is one-sided, using the pronoun “we”
also relays the message to your children that you two can still be successful
in maintaining a strong and happy family. Children, among all other things
in this moment, want to be reassured that they are loved and will be taken
care of by their parents. Continuity is everything.
Be prepared for any kind of reaction: Although reactions to this moment vary, there aren’t so many different
possible ones that you could not imagine them all. Be ready for screaming,
anger, crying, total silence, confusion, questions, happiness, or anything
in between. It’s important to allow your children their respective
reaction in order not to suppress their feelings, as this may cause long
term, psychological damage in their future.
In this difficult time, it is most important to assert that your divorce
is in no way the fault of your children, and that your children will continue
to be loved by you and your soon to be ex-spouse. For any other help or
information involving family law, contact the Gossman Law Firm, LLC to
see how we can help protect the well-being of you and your family.